I’m fantastic!
And other awesome ways to start a conversation!
Being a serial introvert, I have often found it difficult to start a conversation. (especially when I am not interested in politics and cricket, the common interest among the 99.99% of people I often meet).
So what does one do in such cases? Well, what’er it is, starting with ‘let’s start with the weather’ seems to be a terrible way to start conversation, as per Dave Kerpen, the author of the book ‘The Art of People’, which basically brings you key skills one needs to have while dealing with hoomans.
Before I share key atomic ideas from the book, a gentle reminder:
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Now, back to the business. Sharing key ideas from the book “The Art of People” which has really helped me a good grip of relationships. Top 4 learnings:
Life is short. The less time we waste on the weather, the better!
When Meeting A New Person
Rather than the usual ‘what do you do for a living' or ‘where do you live’ consider a few of the following questions:
In your professional life, what do you think is the most exciting thing?
In your personal life, what is exciting you the most at the moment?
If money wasn’t an issue, would you be doing something different?
Who is a role model to you and why?
If you could choose to do anything for a day, what would it be and why?
Be interested instead of interesting
We humans love to talk. Just about all of us would rather talk about ourselves than listen in any one-on-one social situation.
But today, if you can focus on listening attentively, you will truly win that person and he/she will appreciate and remember you. It will show that you care; it will help you strengthen relationships with people every single time.
Remember that people care more about themselves than they care about you. Listening and letting people talk is key to winning them over in life, in business, and in all human relationships.
Use Validation technique
This technique is very useful when you are dealing with somebody angry - an angry customer or angry relation.
The solution to calm down and build rapport with an angry customer is to continue to ask probing questions— such as “Sounds like you pretty angry, is that right?”—and listen carefully to the responses.
Listen for “feeling” words and expressions, and pay attention to body language and tone. Validation is not necessarily agreeing, it is understanding where the other person is coming from and genuinely caring. Even if there is a disagreement, validation allows an avenue for a better resolution rather than becoming defensive.
Two powerful words
"When people hear ‘I’m fantastic!’ … heads turn."
How do we establish trust with people when we first meet them?
If someone asks you “How are you today?”, your usual response is probably along the lines of “good”, “fine”, “busy”, “tired”, or perhaps even “crap”.
A simple and elegant response suggested by Kerpen is to answer with “I’m fantastic”, and watch how the other person responds. Of course you have to be authentic to make this work, but if you adopt this “fantastic” mindset and are truly grateful for how good you have it relative to others, then this is a pretty easy change to make.
The second word suggested is “imagine”, which gives people an excuse to use their own imaginations.
Try this at your next work meeting and watch the team’s response. Using the word imagine has the effect of opening up their “why” because it connects their intellect to their emotions.
I hope you found this useful and will implement atleast one of it in the next few days. I look forward to your feedback / suggestions (just hit the reply button).
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Next edition: Dealing with a**holes at work.
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