How to meet your inner elephant 🐘
Story of rider and elephant. #MentalHealth awareness all of this may on BigIdeas.FM
📣 Announcement!
May is the mental health awareness month and every day this May, we’ll share one short, powerful insight from the world’s best books on psychology, happiness, resilience, and the human mind — paired with a simple action you can take!
We believe mental health isn’t just about coping — it’s about understanding why we think, feel, and behave the way we do.
And when you understand yourself, you become a better friend, parent, leader, and human.
PS: The series is done in partnership with MelodyAI, a voice-first AI companion that helps you navigate your inner world. Think of it as someone you can talk to — whenever you need to reflect, reset, or just feel heard.
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Nothing is miserable unless you think it so; and on the other hand, nothing brings happiness unless you are content with it.
Understanding Why You Do What You Do (Even When You Know Better)
Inspired by The Happiness Hypothesis by Jonathan Haiti
You’ve probably had this moment: you say you won’t check your phone first thing in the morning. You mean it. But within five minutes of waking up, you’re scrolling.
You tell yourself to go to bed early, but Netflix has other plans. You promise yourself you’ll speak calmly in that meeting, but your emotions hijack the moment.
Why do we keep doing things we know we don’t want to do?
Jonathan Haidt, in The Happiness Hypothesis, offers one of the most helpful metaphors in modern psychology: the rider and the elephant.
The rider is your rational mind — the voice in your head that plans, reasons, and sets goals.
The elephant is your emotional brain — older, bigger, and far more powerful than the rider.
Here’s the thing: the rider can tug at the reins all it wants, but when the elephant wants to go a different direction, it usually wins.
“The mind is divided, like a rider on an elephant, and the rider’s job is to serve the elephant.” — Jonathan Haidt
This isn’t a flaw. It’s human design. The emotional brain evolved long before logic, and it still governs much of what we feel, choose, and react to.
Understanding this changes everything.
You’re Not Weak. You’re Wired.
Most people blame themselves for lacking “willpower.” But willpower is just the rider trying to steer the elephant with a firm voice.
When you’re tired, stressed, overwhelmed, or emotionally raw — the rider is exhausted, and the elephant takes over.
That’s not weakness. That’s wiring.
“When you understand yourself as a divided self, you gain compassion for your impulses — and clarity about how to work with them.”
The key is not to fight the elephant. You can’t overpower it. You need to understand it, work with it, and gently train it over time.
The Elephant in Real Life
Think about the last time you lost your temper. You probably didn’t plan to react that way. That was your elephant — your emotional brain — taking over.
The last time you skipped a workout? Elephant.
The voice that says “just one more scroll”? Elephant.
These aren’t moments to shame yourself. They’re opportunities to notice the pattern.
The rider makes resolutions. The elephant determines reality.
How to Work With Your Inner Elephant
The good news? Elephants are trainable.
They respond to practice, environment, emotional cues, and rewards — not just logic.
Here are three simple ways to start working with your elephant today:
1. Name What You Feel
The elephant speaks through emotion. When you’re feeling off, pause and ask:
What is my elephant feeling right now?
Anxious? Tired? Lonely? Threatened?
Naming it helps the rider and the elephant talk to each other.
2. Visual Triggers Work Better Than Logic
Your elephant responds to symbols, habits, and the environment around you. Want to meditate more? Put your mat in plain sight. Want to read instead of doomscrolling? Place a book on your pillow.
Don’t lecture your elephant. Design for it.
3. Don’t Argue — Align
Instead of resisting your elephant, align with it.
If your elephant craves comfort, create a wind-down ritual with tea and music instead of numbing with screens. If it fears rejection, soothe it with affirming words, not scolding.
Compassion calms the elephant. Criticism makes it panic.
A Practice for Today: The 3x Pause
Every time you catch yourself doing something on autopilot today — biting nails, checking your phone, raising your voice — pause and ask:
“Is this the rider… or the elephant?”
No judgment. No need to change anything. Just notice who’s in control.
Do this three times today. That’s it.
With awareness, change becomes possible. You can’t train what you don’t see.
Final Thought
You’re not lazy. You’re not broken. You’re just a person with a powerful elephant inside — an ancient, emotional part of you that’s trying to keep you safe, soothed, and loved.
The goal isn’t to conquer the elephant.
It’s to ride with wisdom.
“Happiness comes not from taming the elephant, but from learning how to steer it with kindness.” — adapted from Haidt’s metaphor
Tomorrow, we’ll explore how to ride the waves of your emotions without getting swept away.
But for today — just pause. Notice. Breathe.
The elephant is listening.
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